Brothers it would seem that we are finding it harder and harder finding the right woman...I hear sisters say this all the time but upon entering into conversations with other men the topic of women always brings about the quality of women that are out there for us to choose from...the issues that we have to deal with after meeting them...I must say that all of us have issues and dealing with them is another thing...I point out to my friends that we as black people have got to start talking to each other instead of talking at each other...We are gr owning further and further apart and I fear that we are nearing the point of no return, I for one love my sisters and would not trade them for anything in world, but I am running into brothers who have all but given up on them...they site that they are too hard to deal with, I say to them that we as black men are no walk in the park and we often times are a hand full, this by no means forgives somethings that sisters do to us but there is two sides to every story...I tell sisters that she wolves pick better mates than allot of black women do, a she wolf will only mate with the male that gives her off spring the best chance for survival, but sisters don't do that much research into a man and will go with the brother with the most bling, bling and biggest car (which most often is rented or he is living out of it) or who has the smoothest game (real men don't play games)...after getting taken through the ringer they expect the good brothers to come and clean up the mess that this shell of a man has made....I would be remiss if I didn't say that allot of men fall for this method of choosing women too, but sisters you all wrote the book on this...thus comes the baggage from all these failed relationships...since we all are a sum total of all our life's experiences we drag these bricks from one relationship to the next building on bad habits...notice I said we because both men and women do it....that is why I say we have to start talking to each other instead of at each other...
3 comments:
Yes, you are so right...just like she wolves, we are taught to pick someone who can provide for us and sometimes sisters use the material possessions that a man has to gauge whether or not he is a good provider, forgetting that there are more than physical needs that must be provided for. Sisters forget about the emoitional and spiritual needs that also make up a whole relationship. Neglecting these most precious needs just so we won't be alone,thinking it will get better with time, or believing in the saying that a good man is hard to find.
It seems that sisters have gone blind in their third eye. We have lost that women's intuition or just refuse to listen to it when picking a mate.
However, as we get older we learn better and when you know better you do better. You are also correct in saying that it is not just a woman's fault, but a lapse in judgement on the part of both Black men and women. Some Black men who find a "good" Black woman that they so long for would not know what to do with her, and could not fully appreciate the beauty that she has, because of his past relationships.
I hope that we can come to a general consensus on this relationship thing. We have failed to stop and think that the ones who are going to suffer is the future generations, when I have sisters telling me that they don’t mind being second and they are ok with that we have a serious problem. When I have young sisters telling me that they feel better in the arms of a man from another race we have a problem. Don’t get me wrong I feel that a person should date, marry, go out with whom ever they want to, but when you do purely because you have a problem with your own race then there is a problem.
Brothers don’t feel that we are off the hook on this issue, we have pushed a lot of our women to this point by not standing up and doing what we are suppose to do as men. We want to claim to be kings and want our women to treat us as such but when it comes down to handling our business we fall short a lot of times. Even though there are a lot of us who have shouldered our responsibilities and the ones who have should be commended for doing so in a climate that would prove to be the opposite. I do feel that there are a lot of men who would do what is required of them if given the chance by our sisters and by this I mean, just because he does not have degrees hanging on the wall does not mean that he can’t carry on a meaningful conversation or provide knowledge and wisdom where it is needed or provide a productive and fruitful life for his family. As we all know we are first attracted to what we see and then our emotions come into play, but in this day and time this method of courtship does not seem to be serving the black community well. We have too many so called fine men who don’t seem to be worth a damn, we have do many thugs who are just that thugs, we have too many corporate executives who care more about the cars that they drive than they do the families they have at home…….Now I ask you sisters and brothers, what is we gone do?!!?!?
I really believe that when young women allow themselves to be treated as second best in a relationship has to do with survival. The pain of having someone you love disrespect you, dishonor your relationship, and crush what you thought you had can be overwhelming. I know because I have been there. As young women we sometimes find comfort in saying, "Well I know he cheated with her, but she is just his ho, I know he loves me" We allow ourselves to be categorized into Wifey, Boo, Bitch and Ho. Feeling that as long as we have the Wifey role, meaning that he will come back to us no matter what he goes out and does, everything is alright, because "I know I am number one and those hoes are just stupid because he ain't gonna never leave me to be with them"...sisters wake up. Men seem to love getting the women that he is cheating on to hate each other, that way he can continue doing what he is doing. Do not play that I am number one, you are number two game. You both are at the bottom of the list, because that man is the only one that matters to him. Love is not suppose to hurt. A Boyfriend/Girlfriend should only add to what you already have, not take away from it.
One question. I know that alot of times people complain about women or men bringing baggage from a previous relationship, but wouldn't that person be naive if they went into another relationship blind? I am not saying instantly began accusing the new person of anything, but if you begin to see the same pattern and become suspicious I think most people would be talking about how stupid you are for letting the same thing happen to you over and over again.
Post a Comment